Can I be me?

 

 

 

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I recently caught up with someone I know and surprisingly, (not), the topic of relationships came up. This person asked me why I am yet to be in a romantic relationship and when I gave her my answer; her response was evident that she was dissatisfied with it. Honestly speaking, I cannot remember my exact words but I said something along the lines of, “At this moment in my life, I am not ready for a relationship and l just want to focus on myself because there are a couple of things that I would like to improve on before I can fully give myself to someone else. Her response was, I don’t think you can ever be ready for a relationship because if you have that approach there will always be something to work on and that means that you will never be in a relationship. Now let just say that I partially agreed with her statement because personally, I believe just like many other people that I have encountered, she misunderstood my point of view; the perspective of self-love in my singlehood (and even throughout all the seasons I may encounter in the future). Therefore, I have taken it upon myself to further explain what I meant.

The most important pursuit in life is to be totally single because singleness is the foundation of all relationship and that includes, relationships between friends, families, students and teachers and wives and husbands etc. In addition, singleness determines the quality of relationships, either, personally, socially or professionally as it does not focus on the interrelationship but rather the intrapersonal relationship. With this revelation, it is fair to say that the most important person you should desire to know is yourself and more importantly, the most important person for me to love is myself.

Now let us look at self-love from a biblical perspective with the help of the book of Matthew. In this chapter, a Pharisee asked Jesus a question on the great commandment. He wanted to know the most important law out of the 600+ laws that were extracted from the Bible by the Pharisees.

Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. 35 One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: 36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:34-40

Jesus’s answer was that only two commands mattered: Love God with everything in you, and love others like you love yourself. If you do those two things, everything else gets taken care of ( the perfect symbiosis). In verse 39 Jesus means that in the same way we take care of ourselves and are concerned about our own interests, we should take care and have concern for the interests of others. He did not say love your neighbour first. He said to love yourself first. One of the mistakes we make as humans is the fact that we try to love others even before we love ourselves. Consequently, most relationships do not last because we cannot love our neighbours if we don’t love ourselves. In other words; we cannot give what we don’t have. Whenever you go looking for love then people can control you because they can threaten to take it back. Therefore, singleness is being totally in love yourself first. Singleness means that if no one loves you; you are still happy. Singleness is being our own best friend.

When I talk about self -love in my singleness, it means I am taking care of myself by nourishing my body, spirit, soul; either physically, mentally or spiritually. I am building my relationship with God, pursuing my goals and fulfilling my purpose. It means that I am working on my wholeness as a single person and that is only possible with the combination of myself and the Holy Spirit. I believe that actively building myself in the Holy Spirit is what will draw a Godly partner to me (as an asset, not a liability or a deficit) because frankly speaking, “If It ain’t Kingdom, I don’t want it”. I want my future partner to look at me and see fruits not potential and vice versa.

Why I am no longer accepting being called “OREO”.

oreoFirstly, I would like to put out a disclaimer that this blog post is not to complain or insult anyone but rather to educate and hopefully raise awareness as to why the term “OREO” should not be used to describe black people.

The word “Oreo” was introduced to me when I was in a sixth form when my group were playing a game where we discussed the partners (relationship wise) we were going to end up with. When it was my turn, a black girl said the following to me:

“Oh, I only see Angelina with a white guy and not black guy”. And to my surprise, everyone at the table agreed. Of course, I asked her why she came to that conclusion and her response was “you can’t handle black guys, you’re too nice, innocent and quiet; basically, you are an Oreo.” I thought that was the most absurd thing that a person could ever say. However, inevitably, over time, I began to believe it and take it as a compliment because that is what I was being taught by society. At the time, everything was taken and done so lightly that I myself didn’t know I was being brainwashed by society and with the negative stereotypes that are associated with being black who would want to be one of those stereotypes? Certainly, not me.

For those of you who are lost, when someone calls a black person an “Oreo” it means that you are ‘black on the outside, white on the inside’ (i.e. you are a black person who ‘acts white’). Although such remarks may be harmless jokes, they’re reflective of society’s narrow understanding of black people and how it manages to infect black communities. I think that it is extremely sad that society has managed to influence people to think there are certain criteria that a black person has to fit into before they can be classified as “being black” and if they do not fit those criteria (which are just a bunch of stereotypes) then they are “not black enough”.

This notion is rather damaging as it limits the potential for young black children to express and follow their genuine interests and dreams but most importantly, to be themselves.

According to society, to be black means to be loud, ghetto, have a bad attitude, listen to R&B, hip pop and rap as well as have aspirations to be a musician (or in the entertainment industry in general) or a sportsman and with food, you must absolutely love fried chicken! Honestly, if these compositions about black people were true then, personally, I am yet to encounter many black people in my life. The most reprehensible thing is the people who think of it as a sort of compliment. The next time you use the word “Oreo” and imply “you’re not really black”, just be aware that there are many other hidden connotations that include but are not limited to:

  • You aren’t loud
  • You speak eloquently
  • You’re well educated
  • You love to read
  • You strive for success.

Please note that it is not a compliment.

Finally, to answer the question of why I am no longer accepting the term “Oreo” being used to describe me is simple. I believe that there are good and bad people in every race. There is beauty in every race. There is intelligence in every race and within each race, there are differences in personality and character amongst the people because race is not linked to any of the attributes mentioned above. Therefore, insinuating that the colour of an individual’s skin determines how they act is ridiculous and ignorant, so to speak.

 

Welcome.

Hello everyone,
Welcome to my first ever blog post!

First and foremost, I would like to thank all my friends who encouraged me to start blogging even when I did not think that I was competent to do this. I honestly appreciate all the love and support and you must know that I could not have started without the belief you guys have in me. You are all amazing and I appreciate it more than you know!
Okay back to this blog post, it is with great excitement and I take my first step in the world of blogging. I believe that writing is important as it reminds you of the familiar and the unfamiliar and I take absolute pride in familiarising myself with this concept.

My blog will primarily consist of all things relevant to my life. In the short space of time that I have been on the earth, I feel like I have encountered and experienced so many things of which I would like to share my opinion about. I am a firm believer in living in the moment thus my blog will be mainly the current things that I am going in my life or even just the world in general. I like to think to think that I am an honest person who enjoys sharing my opinions, perspective, emotions generally with people who are willing to listen. I am hoping to make this an interactive place where readers can come to share their thoughts on my stories. You can let me know what you liked, what you did not, or what you might be interested in seeing in future posts. Furthermore, I will be sure to keep this blog updated on a regular basis so stay tuned for upcoming blog posts.

I hope you enjoy reading my blog.

Angie x